The waterpark, the truck and the long drive home.

The water park, the truck and the long drive home

During the last week of school my friend, Courtney, and I planned to go to the water park on the first weekend of the holidays for Summer. By 8:30am we had packed the car and were in our swimmers, all we had to do was wait for my sister and mum to wake up. At 10ish we were already to go for the hour trip to the town that actually had the water park (because our town is lame and only thing to do for teenagers is go to the mall and to do anything decent you have to drive to another town which is one hour away)

We were having our own mini road trip. We had the best songs playing on a repeating disk for an hour which included, Baby by Justin Bieber, Strawberry Kisses by Nikki Webster, Under Pressure by David Bowie (which is the BOMB DIGGITY!!!) Don't Stop Believin' by Journey and Nobody's Perfect by Hannah Montana.

When we finally got to the water park we all flipped out of the car like gymnasts on speed,

and raced to the boot to get our swimming bags out. We then raced to see who could get the entry first. I won of course (I lied when I run I look like a goose on crack trying to find it's way to water but it just so happens that it is blind and has its feet tied together) and we waited for my mum and sister to hurry up so we could enter. It had just opened and we were the first ones there but as my sister and mum were taking their sweet time to get to the entry a lot of people starting showing up. First it was a few and then after a couple of minutes there was a huge mob of people gathered around impatiently waiting for us to pay and go. Courtney and I were afraid that they would work together, pick us up run to the closest tree and tie us there forever, seeing as we were holding up the line, but after a few fearful seconds we could faintly hear the call of mother goose.

MUM: "DEMI!! DEMI!! WHAT THE HELL DEMI!! GET HERE NOW!! DEMI!!!!"

She thankfully caught on that we would not move from our spot in the line (after all we would be the first in and the first on the water slides seeing as we were dressed in swimmers and we would just leave our bags with mum) She paid and all three ran off to the water slides like gymnastic squirrels on speed.

As we finally climbed all of the stairs and got to the top of the water slide we finally realized that we were, in fact, not the first ones at the park, but indeed the 6th or 7th. So we waited in line for our turn on the slide. Tia, Courtney were both in front of me and either one person could ride the slide or they could double, Tia and Courtney doubled which left me to ride it by myself. Soon more people began to join the line and behind me were 3 BIG men waiting for their turn.

After a short but agonizing wait it was finally my turn. I sat on the water slide and with a final "WEE!!!" (and no it doesn't mean I peed myself) I went zooming off on the slide screaming the WHOLE TIME!!!

Well that was until I slammed into my sister with an "OOOF!! WHAT THE?!" The first person to go down the slide stopped halfway to make a big jam up of 7 people. I knew that soon those three BIG! men were going to come down that slide and literally bash (I would say slam... but... I have a dirty mind) in me and most likely squish me into a person smoothy. I literally had seconds to get this whole train of people moving down the slide before it was too late. I heard the first BIG! man go down the slide, I could also hear his hands pushing on the slide to make him go faster, the the second BIG! man double with the third BIG! man and were also speeding up. 

I started kicking and shoving and pretty much screaming at them to "GO THE F*** DOWN THE SLIDE BEFORE I F****** GET SMASHED INTO A SMOOTHY!! GOOOOOOOO!!!"  But it was too late.

I looked behind me and there was the first BIG! man finally noticing what had happened and looking at me knowing that he was unintentionally going to kill a minor, the terror he was facing. 

But luckily he put his arms out and stopped himself, with his feet mere inches from my back. I breathed a sigh of relief at my fortune and smiled. As I was saying thank-you the doubled BIG! man 2 and BIG! man 3 hit BIG! man 1 which then caused him to brutally squish me into a human smoothy. I guess I wasn't so lucky.

As we got out at the end I got Tia and Courtney to see if I had any bruises on my back they said no (which I later found out they were lying and thought that if they said yes I would want to leave).

After a big day and getting really sunburnt we finally decided to go home, well it was more of mum saying we had to leave and all three of us jumping in the pool swimming to the bottom and holding our breaths hoping mum wouldn't find us. She did because when we came up, because we need oxygen, she was standing over us with her hands on her hips and said one word which made us tremble with fear, "OUT"

We took our sweet time to get out and mournfully walked to the car sulking the whole way. I then decided to brighten our mood by grabbing Courtney's bag and jokingly throw it onto the road. Except I'm really bad a joke throwing things and actually threw it on the road. We all started laughing at my weird game, while we were laughing a truck drove past and drove over Courtney's bag.

We just kinda stood there and stared at what the bag had become.

ME: "Well.... that was a bad idea"

COURTNEY: "No shit."

I went and got the squished bag and we all walked back to the car and put it into the boot, while all of this was happening we forgot to get changed into something dry so the drive back was cold and awkward as we told mum why we weren't changed. 

Too this day we still brush our teeth.... wait what ?

COPYRIGHT 2010!!!! NO COPYING ALLOWED !!!!

I'm having a HEART ATTACK !!

I'm having a HEART ATTACK !!

It was a nice Spring day, the weather was overcast and humid. My sister and I had nothing to do, we were watching 'Baby Mama' and were lying on the couch like dead toads.

 I had a conversation with my sister that went a little something like this:

ME: "I'm bored lets do something"

TIA: "Like what?"

ME: "I dunno catch a million leaves put them in a big bag, stand on our roof and throw them at passing cars?"

TIA: "No only lame people do that and I'm not lame and I shut down anything that may be remotely fun because I want to be anti-social, how about we go to the mall instead?"

ME: "But how will we get there if mum is at work?"

TIA: "We...... *SUSPENSE!!!* ... WALK" (Imagine her saying walk in slow motion and in a deep voice, it gives a much better effect)

ME: "OK!!"

Before we could do anything we had to call our mum at work so she knows we're safe.

*Picks up telephone and dials number, constant ringing is heard through the phone*

MUM : "Hello this is ******* from **********************! How can I help you?" (We have kept the identity of our mother and her work a secret so she can be safe from stalkers who may be reading this blog)

ME: *In my chain smokers low voice because I had a cold and my voice was all messed up* "Mum can me and Tia go to the Mall?"

MUM: "Who is this?"

ME: "Your daughter Demi"

MUM: "Oh DEMI!! Sorry I didn't recognize you with your chain smokers voice, sure you can go to the Mall but how will you get there?"

ME: "Walking"

MUM: "How about you ride your bikes to get some exercise?"

ME: "Yeah we'll do that! Or to get better exercise we could... walk?"

MUM: "How about taking the bus instead"

ME: "We could...walk and pretend we're on a bus?"

MUM: "Fine but if a car pulls over and says they lost their dog and could you help them find it say NO!"

ME: "Don't worry mum I'll just say I'm extremely allergic to dogs and start screaming RAPE! before running away in the opposite direction they came from." :)

MUM: "Good. I've taught you well. Well you guys have fun!"

*Hangs up before I could say goodbye*

We grabbed our stuff and started walking. We decided to take a short cut and go over the big hill and follow the path to the mall, we just didn't realize the hill was so big.

TIA: "Well F***"

We started our agonizing journey to the top of the hill. 20 minutes later we weren't even half way to the hill when it had started to rain, it was really cool... except I had a white shirt on..

But we, being the brave soldiers we are, kept marching on towards the top of the hill. 10 minutes later we finally reached half way. Walking the opposite way but on the same side were three 10 year old girls dressed in really slutty clothing.

I should probably tell you now that I have a problem and find it necessary to stare at people I don't know to freak them out. I should probably see a doctor.

Anyways, as these girls came closer towards us they noticed me starting and proceeded to yell and swear at us (THEY WERE 10 YEARS OLD ?! WTF ?!) 

I still didn't stop staring which made them more angry.

Eventually they just insulted the clothes we were wearing and just passed with a final F*** YOU!

A couple minutes after they left I got a really bad pain in my just near my heart. I passed it off as I strained a muscle but after a couple of minutes of strained breathing I knew something was wrong.

My first thought was HEART ATTACK !! HOLY CRAP I was having a heart attack ! I'm a teenager having a heart attack on the biggest hill EVER !

I sat on the wet road and crawled into the fetal position because I knew I was going to die (HAHA This is kinda like the time I tripped of the rock and I thought I was going to die it also happened to be raining both days!) My sister came over and asked me what was wrong. She lacks sympathy and empathy so it really didn't surprise me when she kicked me in the back and told me to get up.

After a while she just picked me up and carried me down the hill, as we neared back were we started she dropped me on the cold wet grass and said I could get myself back home, while she walked back inside and listened to her music and became anti-social once again.

I never did find out about my heart attack because it soon went away.

So this one was pretty lame but still XD

COPYRIGHT 2010!! NO COPYING!!!!!

The day alfoil almost killed me.

The day tinfoil almost killed me. 

It was the year of 2009 and it was the first day of the Summer holidays. I was super pumped because I could do all the things I've wanted to do like swimming, sleeping in until 10AM (HOLY CRAP!!!) eat all the crap I want and basically chill FOR 6 WHOLE WEEKS !!!

The first couple of days were absolutely awesome, but by the fifth or sixth day I realized that it was getting really boring really quickly, I had too think of something to do and fast otherwise I would have DIED !! (Not really, that was dramatized but I would have become a serious couch potato and would need a shoving stick to move me when school finally started again) 

I had an idea, a brilliant idea, an idea so awesome that I could defeat zombies with just one thought of this idea, but for this idea to work I needed help. It took me a couple of minutes to actually get off the couch but when I finally did I ran too my sisters room (well it was more of a strained limp run because I was really full from all the chips I ate)

I slammed open her door (I don't actually think you can slam OPEN a door, you can slam SHUT a door... it was more of a BURST open the door and stumble through.. but it just doesn't sound as good so we'll keep it as slammed) like I said I SLAMMED open her door with a huge BANG ! A bang so loud that lightening striked and cause our house to shake with greatness, I knew that then God was very happy about my idea.

I was so excited about my idea I said it in a rush to my sister... the conversation went a little like this...

ME: "OMFGTIAIHAVETHEBESTESTIDEAEVERANDEVENGODLIKESITANDIREALLYNEEDYOURHELPOTHERWISEIWILLBECOMEACOUCHPOTATOANDWILLNEEDASHOVINGSTICKSOPLEASEEEEEE!"

TIA: "Demi seriously I didn't understand any of that now get out of my room so I can be anti-social and listen to my music because I'm just really anti-social and hate any great ideas like yours because I'm just THAT anti-social*" (Don't kill me Tia I love you !! :D XX)

*I may have also dramatized this also.. but not by much o.O (<-- HA it's a FACE!!)

ME: "COME ONNNNNN!!! COME ONNNNN!!! PWEASE !!" 

I gave Tia the cutest face I could muster which kinda looked a little like this:

Of course it must of been the cutest face she has ever seen so she caved in and answered with a ..
 

TIA: "Uh... what the hell? Yeah OK, whatever, first let me Facebook this and tell 100 of my closests friends that I have a weird sister"

ME: "OK!!"

I skipped like a retarded kangaroo to the kitchen while my sister kinda of walked behind me with this face the whole time..

I was so hyped up that when I opened the cupboard I almost ripped the door off it's hinges (LOL I'm joking have you seen my arms? They're like two sticks with spaghetti as fingers)

I quickly got the ALL tinfoil boxes out and set them on the kitchen counter. After I finished placing all three down and got a tingle in my brain... a tingle like I may regret this later.. but I just thought it was from all the chips I had eaten earlier that day and passed it off as my brain had just farted.

 Without any warning I grabbed a box of tinfoil and slowly started wrapping up Tia in it, she was not surprised because her response was "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" and a surprised person would of said "THIS IS A SURPRISE THAT YOU HAPPEN TO BE WRAPPING ME IN TINFOIL! OH MY!"

She barely fought me off but I kept persisting and finally all that I could see of her was her face. She had her eyebrows scrunched down and her mouth in a tight circle that somehow reminded me of a cats bottom (TEHE) I knew then that she was happy at what I had done.

I then asked Tia to "TINFOIL ME UP BABY!!" She moved robotically in my direction, at first I thought she was some weird robot alien from Dr. Who but then I remembered she was my sister so I calmed down.

After she awkwardly covered me up in tinfoil I then lead us outside. I told her in my most robotic voice "that we are going to sumo wrestle as robots"

TIA: "Are you being serious?"

ME: "OF COURSE !!"

TIA: "You covered me in F*****G TINFOIl TO WRESTLE AS ROBOTS ?!"

ME: *slightly alarmed at her loud outdoor voice* "Yes I thought that's what you wanted to do, if you didn't then why did you cover me in tinfoil and take me outside?"

TIA: "That wasn't my idea that was all yo--"

ME: "You know what instead of blaming people, like how us being covered in tinfoil is all YOUR fault, why don't we pretend we are actually robots go onto the street and wave at passing cars?"

TIA: "Fine."

ME: "YAY!"

We walked to the gutter and and waved robotically at passing cars. This is when things started to get bad.

At first it was really fun, people would honk their horns and wave at us but after 20 minutes of waving a mother and her 5 year old son were walking towards us, we both thought they were out for a lovely stroll (seeing as the day was quite overcast) but as they got closer we saw they had their angry faces on.

We didn't know what to do! As they got closer the mother started yelling and spit was flying from her mouth in all different directions. She was saying something like "I WAS JUST WALKING PAST LIKE AN AVERAGE PERSON AND I ALMOST RAN INTO A PARKED CAR BECAUSE YOU PEOPLE WERE DISTRACTING ME!!" or something along those lines but I was too caught up in the spit flying everywhere and was afraid that if she got any closer it may just hit me directly in the face.

It was a good thing Tia wasn't focusing on her spit because she tugged at my elbow and we started running. The lady and her son were blocking our entry into the entry of our house so we started running in the opposite direction, we knew just up the street lived a close friend of ours so we started running as best we could while covered in tinfoil.

The lady realized what we were doing and picked up her son and started chasing after us. 

It was a race between to awkward running robots and an awkward run for a woman holding a child, from an onlookers perspective it must have looked like we were all mentally disabled and playing tag...BUT WE WEREN'T!

Tia and I were in the lead and we could see our friends house in the distance when everything happened.

Up ahead was quite a large boulder, and had I not been in tinfoil I may have been able to jump it, but my brain was not thinking and thought that I wasn't in tinfoil, so I tried to jump it.(If you're curious as too why our tinfoil hasn't ripped off us, well we found like 6 more boxes of tinfoil in our cabinet and used them all to make SUPER EXTREME ROBOT SUITS!)

I was about to jump and was at the part were you bend your knees and jump, but I couldn't so I jumped up like a fish from the sea trying to kill a seagull (WHAT?!). I thought I was going to make it, I thought that maybe I was like a freaken epic superhero in tinfoil, but that was before my ankles caught on the rock and I went face first into the ground.

I was DOOMED ! The crazy angry lady was going to get me and kill me and my sister must be at our friends house by now. Without realizing it I started to cry, well I thought I was crying but it actually had started raining so I wasn't actually crying.

I was going to lay there forever and rot away and die as tinfoil robot or the crazy lady was going to kill me !! It was possibly the worst day EVER!

Ten minutes later my sister came with our friend and her Dad and helped me up, they told me they watched the whole tripping incident from our friends window (wow my sister must have been really far ahead when we were running) and couldn't stop laughing for 10 minutes when they finally stopped enough to come help me.

The crazy lady ran away when it started raining which was why I was never caught and killed :)

And that's how tinfoil almost killed me XD

COPYRIGHT 2010!!! NO COPYING ALLOWED !! >:/